my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
