he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
