you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
