what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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