just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
