Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
