Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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