I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
