how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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