I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
