Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
