dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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