what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
