I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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