idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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