I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
