He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize