Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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