i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
