Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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