My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
