We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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