drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
