mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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