My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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