She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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