So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
