tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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