So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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