Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
