Tell her she can't have a vagina
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
