i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
