the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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