we're chasing vodka with high fives
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
