I am in a vortex of obligation.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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