you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
