If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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