Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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