I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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