Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
