her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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