Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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