Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
