So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
