she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
