o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
