Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
