Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
