The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
