Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
