sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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