thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
