Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
