Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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