I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
