I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
