they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
