1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
