it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
