We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
