she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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