I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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