apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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