Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
