I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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