do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
