no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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