Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need to sanitize my soul.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
