My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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